My Gay Pride Pendant - Close to My Heart
by Edward J. Beibel
Awhile back, I saw a gay pride pendant advertised in a gay magazine. It was a fairly simple design, a sterling silver triangle. It appealed to me so I ordered it. When it arrived I immediately put it on. Unfortunately, I spend most of my work day in a suit and tie, so it really ended up buried under my shirt/tie where no one could so it. At first, I thought it was quite silly that I was wearing a gay pride pendant buried under layers of clothing but every morning without fail, I would put it on.
Now at this point, I am fairly open about my sexuality. My friends know and my coworkers all know. I have decided that next weekend will be the weekend that I tell my parents/family and that is really the last "big" group of people to tell. While there are one or two places where I'm still closeted, those places are largely becoming few and far between. But the gay pride pendant remains under the clothes but close to my heart.
Over the past few months, I have attached a certain symbolism to the fact that I still wear it there.
1.) It reminds me that I'm gay. Not that I really needed reminding of that but it serves as an affirmation. Its almost like saying that being gay is not some abstract idea but really is a part, a vital and positive part of who I am.
2.) A Gay Pride Pendant serves to remind me that being gay is something to be proud of and that I should be proud of who I am every day.
3.) I wear it where no one else has to see it unless I choose to show it. This reminds me that how I choose to "be gay" and how I choose to live in general, should be for myself and for my happiness. Now, I'm not advocating that people should not be out. Quite to the contrary, as I said I'm quite open and comfortable with who I am. With each step from the closet, I am happier. But I thin+k that I am happy because I told who I told because it was important to me and made me happy. I think that is important.
So now I don't go anywhere without my pendant. It is under my suit and tie at work and t-shirt at home. Every once in a while it will ride up and I will have to adjust it and it causes me to stop and think on the three things above. And every morning, I stop to look and to think just before I put it on and run out the door (spilling coffee as I go ).
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