PFLAG-Talk Introductions
Some time back, some members of PFLAG-Talk sent introductions to
the list as a way to ... regroup after a "sunspot" (what we call it
when one of our online discussions/topics gets more than just a bit
out of hand).
Oftentimes, assumptions can be made about where people are coming
from, what approach they are taking to a message or a situation.
These assumptions often lead to disagreements, sometimes vehment
ones.
These introductions are intended to serve as background for the
discussion and as a way to introduce new participants to some of the
more seasoned members of the list.
If you want to change/update/add your introduction (or the URL
directing one to an introduction), please e-mail
me the changes.
John Lindner
pflag-talk/tgs-pflag webmaster
These introductions are found away from this site (in no particular
order):
Maggie Heineman
[founder of the pflag-talk website]
John Lindner CJ
Liotta
These introductions are found below (or if quite
long on a linked page), or on the subsequent introductory pages added
as needed.
Page 1: Kahahi,Tracie
Kurth, Kris, Richard
Faulkner Marie Jenkins Jorge
C. Sague Jerry Caitlin
Phillips Steve Basile, Kheeta
Page 2: Dixie Beer Kevin
Gibson Sue Null Ann
Murphy Jo-Anne Hawrysh
Gabi Clayton
Page 3: BJ Barefoot
Ron Brian Griffiths
Mary Summers Deb
Bridge Tracie Kurth Taylor
Smith Shaun Marks Kat
Iane Crowe Glenn
E. Hammett Sue
Page 4: Pat Belanger
Pam Steffen Sandy
Brown Brian Kelly
Robyn Serven Esther
Gordon Steve Schalchlin
Charlene Wolff
Page 5: Kevin Sung John
Joslin Rick Rattie Al
Bertke Patricia Mary Atthey
Gertrude Stevens Nanette
Ellen Fingerman Tom
Barnes Jerry in Colorado
Paul Deeming Gerald
Nicole Cousinou
Page 6: Brendan Hale Link
Tague Erika Scott
Susan
Page 7: TGS-PFLAG Introductions
From: <KAHAHIKIM@aol.com>
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 04:41:16 -0500 (EST)
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: Intro
I would like to introduce myself once again since I have elected to
remain as a member of this group.
My name is Kahahi and I am a 50 year old married bisexual male in a
monogamous relationship. I have not always been monogamous, but am at
the present time as a matter of choice. I am also a retired military
officer having retired when the adventure stopped and it became a
job. I am very out and take pleasure in driving around the military
bases with GLBT stickers on my cars and wandering around the
exchanges and commissaries wearing T-shirts with GLBT slogans. For
obvious reasons I had to remain closeted for too many years. Because
I was in positions of authority and, as such, was in a position to
control the outcome, not one person who served under me was
discharged by reason of being GLBT in the more than 25 years I
served. That, alone, was worth all the sacrifices made. I was deeply
disappointed when, two years ago, I was expressly prohibited (in
writing two weeks prior to my marching) from wearing my uniform in
the pride parade. I still harbor a certain degree of bitterness about
swearing and serving to protect a freedom which I, myself, am
prohibited from expressing or enjoying.
I spend my time now as a volunteer human and GLBT rights activist
with particular emphasis and effort on bisexual rights. I am in favor
of and fight for virtually everything my family of origin is
vehemently opposed to so it is a constant battle. I was able to come
out to my mother just prior to her passing and I was grateful I was
able to do that. It was not all that I wanted, but far better than I
expected. I am not out to my father, but it is not important any
more. It used to be, but ceased to be the more I came to accept
myself.
I have two children from my first marriage to a bisexual lady for 21
years and am a grandfather via my daughter who is a happily married
bisexual. As a result of the Agent Orange I contracted in Viet Nam, I
also have a physically and mentally disabled son who claims to be
straight, but I have my doubts. There is also a straight man (not a
boy any more) that my ex and I raised. I am out to all my children
and they are very supportive.
And life goes on, Kahahi
Return to introduction index
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 09:55:23 -0600 (CST)
To: pflag-talk@vector.casti.com
From: tkurth2@gac.edu (Tracie
Kurth)
Subject: Who am I?
Thought I'd add my $.02 into to the mix. I'm a 25 yo, single, gay
woman (who likes and uses the terms gay, queer, and dyke, but not the
term lesbian -- bad memories from jr/sr. high). I started having
feelings for members of the female sex when I was 14. I promptly
jumped into the nearest closet, where I shut and bolted the door.
Stayed in the closet (both to myself and others) until I was 21. Two
years ago I began coming out to friends. I told my siblings (two
sisters and a brother) this fall and Xmas. After initially being
quiet about my coming out, my brother has been very supportive. So
has his fiance. My younger sister wonders what took me so long. My
older sister won't discuss the subject -- I'm not surprised. I am
working on coming out to the next level of family (aunts, uncles,
cousins). My mother died before I was ready to be out to her. For a
variety of reasons, I have decided not to come out to my father. I
told my dog (Heidi) I was gay when I found her at the Humane Society
last year.
I graduated from Gustavus Adolphus College in 1994 with a B.A. in
philosophy and English. Upon graduation, I served as a VISTA
volunteer (Volunteers In Service To America --domestic peace corps)
in Waterloo, Iowa for a year. Currently, I work as a researcher in
the fundraising dept. at Gustavus. I am involved with several queer
related activities at the college. I am co-chairing a committee that
is seeking DP benefits from the college, I am involved with the
informal gay employee group, I serve as a resource person for the gay
student group, and I am the newsletter producer for the gay alumni
association. I have been coming out to co-workers over the past year
(if they haven't figured it out by all the queer activities I do).
I'm also involved with the college's cancer support group, and I
serve as an administrative representative on the college's United Way
campaign committee.
A local PFLAG chapter was formed last fall. I am the program
coordinator for it (by the way Broph, I've gotten in touch with
Karen-- thanks). PFLAG has a lot of work to do in rural areas. I am
the only one of my gay college friends who is out to family and who
has not moved Minneapolis/St. Paul. I know a lot of parents in the
area who should be at the meetings, but who don't know about their
kids. Since coming out to my family, I have begun appearing on glbt
panels -- educational panels coordinated through the local
university.
I have met only one pft member in person -- Paul (PaulPOD@aol.com).
He is a sweetheart. We are going to see RENT together on Aug. 10. I
maybe officially related to Liz (by the way Liz, I gave the info. to
my grandma), but I'll claim her as kin whether she's official or
not.
Last night I made my television production debut -- operated the
cameras for a new cable access cooking show with my boss's husband.
Looks like it may become a weekly show.
Tracie -- the Catholic-raised atheist who works for an ELCA Lutheran
college.
[Tracie's updated introduction
appears on a later page. JL]
Return to introduction index
From: <Krisalid@aol.com>
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997
To: pflag-talk@vector.casti.com
Subject: Intro and coming out story
Hi, I'm Kris, a 24 yr old lesbian living in Berkeley, CA. I came out
to most of my friends a few years ago and found wonderful acceptance.
Just last Oct I came out to my parents and have been struggling with
their reactions ever since. My dad didn't talk to me for about three
months and my mom talked to me a couple times but made sure I knew
that I should feel guilty for "doing this to them." About a month ago
my dad sent me a letter that covered my entire life of disappointing
him by how different I am and why that means we cannot have much of a
relationship. In the process of understanding his letter, I have come
to accept his alcholism and its effect on my life. I think it is
going to be very hard for him to accept me as lesbian because he is
still an active alcoholic. My whole family is in denial about it and
are not anywhere near being ready to support me. Since, I've had to
deal with their lack of support my entire life I feel I've had a lot
of practice getting ready for this moment when they are threatening
to pull out of my life altogether. Although it does hurt tremendous
amounts to know that they most likely will never be the supportive
loving parents I always wanted. Giving up on that dream is harder
than dealing with their current reactions to me. I know it has been
only a short time, but I don't have a much hope for them turning this
around. I am trying to keep the lines of communication open (by
letter). It is really frustrating that they don't want any helpful
literature or group info. All the stuff I would give to them would be
slanted in my favor and would be useless to them, according to my
mom. Any support would be entirely welcome. I am feeling really alone
with this right now. All of my friends' parents have been really
supportive of them. Thanks
Return to introduction index
From: <MarieMJ@aol.com>
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
I'm really enjoying all the intros, both old and new. What a
wonderful way of reminding us all that we are here to support and
encourage each other!
I'm a retired math teacher, married to Tom, a computer planner at the
University of Louisville. We have two daughters, the older of whom,
Anne, came out to us as a lesbian over 10 years ago. I was fortunate
in having been raised in an environment that affirmed non-standard
families, and having known many wonderful gay and lesbian people.
Despite this, and despite having had my suspicions about Anne, I was
still shocked. I think my worst hang-up was "What will people
think?"
I wanted knowledge about gays and lesbians. I wanted to know if other
parents had had the same experience of "differentness" in their gay
children as they grew up that I had. Since there was no PFLAG in
Louisville at that time, I read a lot.
After a year and a half I was ready to march in Louisville's first
ever March for Justice for gays and lesbians. There I met two other
mothers, and together we founded the Louisville chapter of PFLAG.
I've been involved full time with PFLAG and Louisville gay and
lesbian organizations since. From 1990 to 1993, I served as Regional
Director for the Central region of PFLAG. I am now seretary and
newsletter editor for the Louisville chapter.
I've been on pflag-talk since May 1995 through a number of crises and
I'm glad to see the latest one coming to some sort of resolution. I
drop in and out of lurk mode as time permits, since, in addition to
my real world PFLAG commitments, Tom and I are the primary support
for his 92 year old mother who lives alone in another city. We also
try to steal some time to spend with our 4 year old granddaughter who
is also out of town.
I'm also pleased and honored to be one of the possums whom Deb has
mentioned. This small group, or "loop," has been supportive in ways
that a larger group like pflag-talk probably can't be, and I think
that other small loops such as ours united around shared experiences
or interests might help provide the comfort level some have sometimes
felt lacking in pft.
Overall pflag-talk has been a wonderful experience for me. I'm
looking forward to learning more about all of you.
Marie Jenkins
Return to introduction index
From: <PFLAGCOSPG@aol.com>
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: Intro - Jerry (long)
Greetings Dear Friends;
Here goes my intro:
Live in Colorado Springs, CO - home of now defunct amendment 2.
Single, no pets, don't smoke, not too tall but I have all my
hair.
I have been a gay man for about 3 years.
Ok, now that I have your attention let me add that it took until the
wonderful age of 44 to finally come out to myself (being now near
47). Since then I have been coming out with a vengeance in all
directions - read on for further details.
Corporate director in medium sized natural health / herbal foods mail
order company. Teach and practice a (secular) meditation for the last
22 years in the hopes of ridding myself of all unnatural thoughts and
desires. Guess what, it didn't happen. Finally figured out that being
gay was very natural and desires - well - they are a beautiful and
normal part of life!
Fell in love with Dave (2.5 years ago) and 7 months later a drunk
driver swerved and took Dave from my life. Being out only to myself
at the time I had no one to talk to - this nearly killed me. I could
either take my own life or reach out and embrace life. Dave's
unconditional love set me on a path which has become a wonderful
adventure and so far a totally positive one.
Having decided to live I needed to come out to my family. I hoped
their love, support and understanding would help me with the grieving
process. Held a family meeting (large Catholic family, other 7
siblings all married with lots and lots of kids). Meeting was a HIT.
Lots of love, lots of hugs and to this very day - tons and tons of
support. So now I am fully out to my whole family (including aunts
and uncles who have gay children of their own) and they are just
waiting for the day I will bring 'THE' man of my life home - they
want a wedding! (Any ideas where I can find him?)
Wrote a 3 page story of my family 'outing' and now it will be in a
book later this year. Posted it on the internet (Tina even put it in
QRD - the Queer Resource Directory - and I still get beautiful e-mail
in response). Sorry, no autographs but I will send copies of the
story upon request.
Further OUT
Out to close friends - super, fantastic and positive responses all
around!
Out to my boss - completely supportive - told me to live as I was
created!
Out to other corporate board members - 100% support - they are all
married and hope I will find a life partner too!
Out to my staff - totally cool - no big deal...............
Am I blessed or WHAT?
Sing in a Gay/Lesbian Chorus in Denver - great fun.
Have met warm and wonderful people on the internet - some very close
friends.
Joined our local PFLAG chapter and went to PFLAG national convention
and the NAMES Project Quilt display in DC.
Volunteer and am a trainer on a local suicide prevention hotline.
So that is as brief as I can get.
I love who I am and celebrate the gift of being me, of being gay!
Dream of the time I can share this adventure with another!
With love,
Jerry
Return to introduction index
From: <Art7684@aol.com>
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: Caitlin's Introduction
Well, everyone else seems to be giving an intro so I will too.
(g).
My name is Caitlin Elizabeth Phillips and I'm 17 years old and live
in San Francisco. I am straight, but a big supporter of the gay
community since my dad is gay and he and his life-partner Rich (I
call him my step-dad :) raised me and my brothers since I was around
4. I go into a lot more detail about my family on my web page, even
though my friends think it is too "one issue" I wanted to make a page
about gay families since there just isn't much of that on the
Web.
More about me: I love sports especially baseball, football, soccer,
swimming, and ice hockey (blame this on growing up in house full of
all guys (g). I also love movies, mostly romantic comedies, and I
like to read romances or regular novels that have romance in them. I
bet everyone can tell I'm a real romantic huh? I love music, all
kinds except opera and country. I especially like R.E.M., Nirvana,
Indigo Girls, Smashing Pumpkins, Hootie and the Blowfish, Tori Amos,
The Cranberries, Green Day, and I could go on and on about music
(g).
Let's see...what else? I have a great boyfriend named Jeff and we
have just celebrated (dum da dum dum) our one-year anniversery on
March 7th. I really totally can not believe we have been together a
whole year, but we are still in love, so I guess things are working
out. He's a really, really great guy so I feel lucky to have gotten
him (g).
I don't have any pets, although I wish I did. I guess the main
problem would be living in the middle of the city, you can't exactly
let them run around in the neighborhood. However, when I move out on
my own I definitely want a dog, or a cat, or both. Until then I guess
my little brothers will have to qualify as pets, since I have to
clean up after them and everything.
BTW, my brother Logan is 15 and a soph in high school and he has a
girlfriend (also steady) named Laura. He mainly spends time with her
or playing or watching sports and doesn't like the Internet much
(What's WRONG with him? (g). Brennan my littlest brother is 13 and in
8th grade and he's really adorable most of the time, but has gotten
"the attitude" this year (parents will know that attitude) and
sometimes acts like a jerk. He's pretty cool though, he likes sports,
skateboarding, and music.
Well, that's about it for me and my life. It's fun reading about
everyone else @ø@
Cheers!
Caitlin Phillips
Art7684@aol.com
KBWH84F@prodigy.com
http://members.aol.com/Art7684
Date: Sun, 28 Dec 1997
From: kheeta@halcyon.com
Subject: New intro
I am the 50 year old mother of four kids, married 28 years. Three
of the kids, sons 19 and 12 and a 16 year old daughter are biological
and straight. My other 19 year old son is from an Eastern European
country and has lived with us for nearly two years. He moved into our
home after 7 months as a high school exchange student, attending our
local school and living with another host family, who, due to their
own problems, could offer him no emotional support, only a roof and a
refrigerator. They decided to divorce and he was in need of a new
host family for his last 8 weeks in the US. We took him in initially
for only a few days, but it was soon apparent to me that he had major
emotional problems and we offered, after a week, to keep him the full
two months. Three weeks before he was due to leave and return home he
said he had something to tell me. He climbed up on his bed, held a
pillow in front like a shield and said, "I'm homosexual, I'm not gay,
there's nothing gay about it." He had never told anyone else before
and had< never had any opportunity to meet another gay person to
speak to. He had lots of misinformation, concerns he could make his
little brother gay etc.and we became determined to try to keep him
longer to get him more support services and information.
My husband and I were totally accepting. We had no problem having
a gay boy living with our family but did not know any gays ourselves
to talk with and had to quickly form our own network of support
within the gay community. We kept him through the summer and then
sent him home to obtain a student visa so he could return and live
with us, as sponsors, and attend college. His country has a mandatory
two year draft and there is great fear that he would not survive but
would just disappear if drafted. His parents know he is gay but in
his country they just can't have a gay son so his presence at home
causes family problems. Because they are poor, they cannot help at
all financially.
Pflag was so very helpful to all of us, I cannot imagine getting
through the last two years without their support. The members in my
local group welcomed my new son with open arms. They even found him a
mentor who sees him every month or so for a movie and meal. I am now
a new board member for my local Pflag support group.
The past two years have not always been smooth sailing. The worry
about having to return home someday has caused our "son" to have
periods of depression and been a constant concern for us all. For
various reasons adoption and asylum are not options in his case. We
hope his college work will lead to a job offer and labor permit so he
can stay. Our daughter has had bouts of jealousy over the time her
parents spend on gay issues. Financial concerns take their toll too.
International student tuition rates are three times the tuition rate
for our own son.
Over the past two years we have come out to more and more friends
and family members and even marched in the Pride parade. I can
honestly say that we are better people for having a gay member of the
family. We love him and hope that he can stay a part of our family
forever.
Kheeta
Return to introduction index
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Created July 13, 1997
Revised August 13, 1999
All copyright retained by individual authors. Please contact them for
permission to reprint for other than personal use.
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