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From: "Pat" <nomad@netrover.com>
To: "pflag talk" <pflag-talk@casti.com>
Subject: Intro - One More Canuck
Date: Wed, 16 Jul 1997
I've introduced myself before but here I go again - I am mostly a "lurker" like so many others but occasionally I throw in my two cents worth. My name is Pat Belanger - I am 55 and mother of four sons and one daughter. Paul (34) is gay; Lori (33), Joel (32), Jason (29) and Julian (26) are all straight. I also have two wonderful grandchildren, Kiefer 7 and Keely 4 and another expected in late August or early September.
It's been three years since our son came out to us and it hasn't really created any sort of problem in our family. We all love him dearly, even his formerly homophobic brother (a police officer) who now has a new outlook on sexuality since he now knows gays come in all families and they're not so bad after all!
Paul is out also to my parents (78 and 75) years old and they also accepted him unconditionally. He is not out to his paternal grandmother but that is his choice. He feels she might have a great deal of difficulty understanding it and he doesn't want to hurt her in any way so we told him it was his decision to make.
Paul lives in Vancouver and has recently set up housekeeping with his S.O., Doug; we have never met Doug as I haven't been out to Vancouver in a year and they met last October shortly after I was there and shortly after Paul had a devastating breakup with his former S.O. He was in therapy earlier this year and on medication for depression but seems to have gotten over the hump so to speak. He tells me he has never been happier and therefore as his mom, I am very happy for him.
My husband loves Paul dearly but does have trouble with it which I expect is normal for some dads. I am pleased Paul is in Vancouver because there is quite a large gay population and a good support system, something which is sadly lacking in our homophobic city here in Southern Ontario.
I enjoy belonging to this list and am especially glad that I have met such folk as Father Bill, Gabi, and Steve Schalchlin. Hugs to all; I'm out here in cyberspace but I'm with you.
Pat
From: "Steffen" <ramoth@jcn1.com>
To: "Pflag" <pflag-talk@casti.com>
Subject: INTRO
Date: Wed, 16 Jul 1997
Good Evening Everyone,
Since I was raised to be polite :) and everyone is writing such wonderful introductions, I thought I would try my hand at it.
My name is Pam and I am 44 years young. I have been happily married (well, most of the time..gg) to Dennis for 25 years now. We have three wonderful children, 2 dogs, 1 bird, 5 cats, and an iguana. Just recently my 81 year old mother has moved in with us. She is in a wheelchair, due to a stroke in January, so I guess that explains what I do most days. My father is in a nursing home with advanced Alzheimer's desease.
Our oldest daughter, Rosemary, (25) works for a neuro-surgeon and is getting married in September. We are crazy about the man she is marrying and his entire family. They have been together for a year and a half and are looking forward to trying to start a family as soon as they are married.
Our only son, Michael, the youngest, at 20 was diagnosed manic depressive at age 9 but just graduated from high school this year and is doing very well. He is a great kid and we are so proud of him that he stuck in there and finished school after the hard start he had. Now...if he could only find a full time job soon :)
Our middle daughter, Rochelle, (21) came out to us just last month. She is an EMT and works for an ambulance company. She is also the first female volunteer fire fighter in our district......following in her father's footsteps. We're just a tad bit proud of her :)! She likes photography and art and is just a great kid. Oops, better not let her hear me call her a kid...gggg. Seriously though, our family and her friends just want her to be happy. She and I will be attending our first PFLAG meeting next month and we are both excited!! I am hoping that she will be able to make some social connections that will start her down the right road in the gay community, and, if I know me, I will soon be involved in any way that I can help out.
I didn't mean for this to be sooo long but anybody who knows me knows I like to talk!
Hugs, Pam
From: Sandy Brown <sbrown@si-net.com>
To: "'PFLAG-TALK@casti.com'" <PFLAG-TALK@casti.com>
Subject: INTRO
Date: Wed, 16 Jul 1997
From March 1997 intros: Hi, My name is Sandy and I will be 50 years old this month (3/97). I've been married almost 31 years to a kind, gentle, and understanding guy. We have three great kids. Our oldest son came out to us about 10 years ago when he was in college, now is 30 and lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota. He works at a large newspaper there. He lives in Minnesota because it is a more friendly environment for a gay man. He has a partner who is like another son to us as well. They have been together for several years now. We have a daughter and she is married and lives in Indiana and just started a new job at a radio station. Our youngest son is an accountant and lives in Indiana also. Now that the kids are gone and the house is too quiet ;o) I have taken up this computer hobby of which I am a beginner. We also have a dog who is the excitement around here now. She is 70 pounds of love and energy. I take her for a walk every morning and my husband takes her "bye-bye" every afternoon. She's happy! My husband and I both work in a factory here in our small town in Indiana. We've lived here all our lives so my bio seems very boring compared to all of you. We enjoy movies and going to the Smoky Mountains and hiking.
We just joined pflag in Feb. '97 and I subscribed to pflag-talk last week (March 97)-and it feels good to be here. I hope, in some small way, I can help. Sandy Brown
July '97 To update a little: Just got back from vacation and we visited our son in Minneapolis the first week and were able to be in our first gay pride parade. It was great and felt so good. We marched with the Twin Cities pflag group in the rain. I loved it! I wanted to meet Paul and Tracie while we were there but didn't get to. Hopefully we will next time guys. Love, Sandy
LIFE |VI VI. -
IF I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in
vain;
If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one
pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain.
- THE END
Emily Dickinson
From: Brimsauce@aol.com
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: can you handle another INTRO: Brian
Well I guess I'd throw my intro. in too, here goes:
My name Is Brian, the gay proud father of one straight dog (Barney), and two straight cats (Corky and Sammy)...don't ask how I know they are straight. I came out to myself in late September after my girl friend broke up with me, because she was a lesbian! I started off saying, "I might be bisexual"....and as time went on, I realized that no, I'm gay. It took a long while to admit that (I'm 29), but with the help of the book "All American Boy" and a few others It was easier to handle. I didn't feel alone anymore. Of course PFLAG has been terrific also!
I have been dating recently, and It's pretty amazing to me. I finally came out to my sister, and some very close friends. Not quite ready for my parents or brother to know yet, but I'm working on that. I must admit that everyone handled It much better than I thought they would. Very pleasently surprised.
I have become very active since coming out. I lost 70lbs.. and I don't mind saying that I look pretty good right now. I enjoy biking (especially the Balto/Annapolis bike trail) walking, swimming, and live on my Nordic trac. Music, books, and bookstores, concerts, and yes pizza still make me very happy.
I guess that is a start..
Brian
From: KAJ867@aol.com
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 1997
To:pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: Introduction from Kelly
This is my first with PFLAG and with any type of discussion group so I hope all will bear with me if I am a little slow at first...
I will be 30 years old August 5 and I have been *out* for almost a decade now. It seems like only yesterday I finally came out to myself. It was one of the most thrilling days of my life. Suddenly everything made sense to me. I hadn't fallen in love with anyone, I wasn't even looking it just came to me one afternoon *What if * and I felt so much better.
I have had a terrible time with my parents however. I never had the chance to come out to them as they seemed to suspect I might be gay (even before I knew--go figure!) and went on a witch hunt after me. They called my college roomate and asked her if she thought I was gay, called the parents of my friends and told them that they suspected I was a lesbian and not to speak to me just hang up if I called.
Once I realized that I was gay and started coming out to my friends I hhad a very warm and loving response. I was also told that my parents were acting really weird and that I might not want to tell them right away if ever. I hadsort of expected my parents not to take the news well being very religious, but I never expected the intensity of their reaction to me.
I began seeing a woman in my class and fell very much in love but I always feared what my parents might do if they found out and that fear had a strong impact on my first relationship/first love. When my parents had dug up enough dirt on me they strted asking me if I was gay. They were very angry and resorted to calling me all sorts of horrible names, throwing things around the room and screaming at me. They threatened to withdraw me from my final semester at college. Faced with all that I tried to lie. I told them I wasn't gay. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done it felt like molten lava in my stomach.
My parents did not believe me. They continued to harras me right through graduation day where they made a big scene on the quad with hundreds of people all around. I continued to deny my sexuality but it was no use. Due to some horrible luck with a new job I was forced to come home after graduation to live with my parents. There they withheld mail from me, withdrew money from my bank account so as not to allow me to *live that kind of lifestyle* and read my journals. They called my girlfriend's parents and outed her. They threatened both my girlfriend and her family to stay away from me.
I was 21 years old. My friemds were all far away and while they were sympathetic no one was around for me to turn to for help. I spoke to the minister at our family church but she was not going to get involved in *family* matters. She was supportive of my sexuality but would not say a word to my parents.
Over the next 4 years we had a strained relationship. My parents did not want to know about my private life. I was aked to leave the house unless I was going to live by their rules which did not include being a *practicing homosexual* My mother told me that as far as she was concerned I was dead to her but would continue to become angry that I wasn't sharing anything with her.
Almost 5 years ago I sent a letter to my parents asking that they not treat me this way any longer. That I knew that they thought they were doing the right thing but in fact they hurt me very much. I asked them to treat me with respect. I said they did not have to like my being gay but they did have to ackowledge it as a fact of my life. I said if they coould not do this much then we had nothing to say.
I have not spoken to my parents to this day. I have had some short notes from my father--nothing from my mother. They still do not ackowledge that i am gay. They still do not treat me as an adult and I feel that they are happier thinking of me as miserable rather than having a full life.
There is so much more to tell but I don't get that much space to write in!
Tell me--is ther anyone out there without a happy ending? I think it is great to hear all the love and support but I start to feel like a freak and all the stories I read in books seem no more real to me than greek mythology. Are their any Parents strugging who can enlighten me on why you would rather see your child gone forever rather than give in -- just a little? Has anyone else lost their family?
It has been a long time and a lot of good things have happened to me but I get very lonely.
From: "Robyn Serven" <Rserven@mail.uca.edu>
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Date: Fri, 18 Jul 1997
Subject: INTRO: Robyn Serven
Hi :)
I've been lurking on the list for the last couple of months because of work-related consumption of time. I don't have a home computer and only access the net and the web from my office.
I'm 49-years old and a tenured associate proessor of mathematics at the University of Central Arkansas, which is located in the small college town (pop. 30,000) of Conway, 30 miles north of Little Rock.
My daughter is a lesbian, which I had known without her saying so since she was in fourth grade but was news to her mother when she came out at age 19. Jennifer lives in Lincoln, NE, with Julie, her partner of about eight years.
In 1992 I began my transition from male to female, having wished to do this for as long as I could remember but never believing that it would ever really happen. It is an understatement to say that this did not go over very well in this neck of the woods. Five days after I came out to the chair of my department, the school administration tried to make me go away through attempted bribery and deceit, but I'm first and foremost a teacher and I fought long and hard to keep my job...which was not aided when one of my colleagues outed me to the local newspaper and the Associated Press picked up the story and spread it at least as far as the contiguous states (I've also been told the story was even picked up by the Los Angeles gay press). The local religious community tried to shame me out of town via a letter writing campaign to the local newspaper, which didn't work because I am not ashamed of myself. Thereafter I was the subject of anonymous threats of violence, the victim of a couple of assaults and lots of verbal abuse, had all the tires on my car slashed and found cat feces in my mailbox. Oh...and the local populace ostracized me from the community, going so far as to spread rumors about anyone who so much as voiced friendship for me. It was not a fun time for me. About all the support I could muster came from two gay therapists in Little Rock.
I stuck it out, having little other job skills other than being able to teach...though I did discover after going online that I can write a bit and people seem to like what I have to say most of the time. I had my reassignment surgery in August of 1994 and spent a lot of time unsuccessfully trying to find a job elsewhere. Originally from the Northwest, I spent five months in Seattle in 1995, while on leave from my job, trying to find a position in that area, but there weren't many people interested in hiring a gender variant person as old as I was.
Thus I returned from there in November of 1995 and once back online got involved with the tgs-pflag email list as one of the cofacilitators (though I am currently still on that list, we no longer have cofacilitators). From there it was a short hop over to this list.
Since I became involved online, I decided to try out a local meeting as well and have been a semi-regular attendee at the Little Rock chapter of PFLAG for the past year and a half. I gave a presentation to the group on gender issues in June. I'm also Heartlands Region coordinator for the Transgender Special Outreach Network, though the past three months have left me little time to fulfill my duties as such.
I'm also on the Board of Directors of the Arkansas Gay and Lesbian Task Force. My partner of nearly one year, Alicia, and I started the Conway Task Force nearly a year ago and we hold biweekly meetings in our house open to anyone who wishes to come as long as they are supportive of the queer community. Additionally, I'm faculty advisor for the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual University Alliance, a student group at UCA. I'm also involved with the Women's Project and a progressive network called Justice Over Intolerance Now (JOIN).
There have been quite a few "firsts" surrounding me in the past few years. In 1993 I was the first openly transsexual person at a Rainbow Gathering (yes, I'm a former(?) hippie) and the first openly pre-operative transsexual woman on the Sappho women's list (where I met Barbara Eickhoff's daughter, Heidi), was a founding member of the OWLS (Older Wiser Lesbians) list in 1994, and became the first transsexual woman to attend a Women's Project Retreat in 1996 (as mentioned in a Suzanne Pharr interview in MS. magazine in their July '96 issue (it was not without a lot of controversy)).
I do speaking gigs/performances for the cost of plane fare, a place to stay, and a bit of food, and have performed something I wrote called "Crossing the Gender Line" at Northwestern U in Evanston, IL, and in Boston. Recently, I've been writing a column called "From Outside the Gender Prison" for the Triangle Rising newsmagazine. Past columns can be found, together with some of my other writiings, at my website. Also at the site is most of my poetry, which I will read at the drop of a hat. :)
Love and Peace,
Robyn
Visit Robyn's Perch at http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/8440
"When all is said and done, all that really matters is whether or not you are happy."
From: EGORDON@delphi.com
Date: Fri, 18 Jul 1997
Subject: One more intro
To: PFLAG-TALK@casti.com
Hi everyone. While basically a lurker, I guess I'll gather up the courage and join all the other brave folks here and write an intro. <G>
My name is Esther Gordon, from Little Rock, AR. I moved here almost 11 years ago from Milwaukee, WI where I spent 8 years after attending school at Stephens College in Columbia, MO.
I am 41 years old - and have no idea how this happened since I feel like I'm still in my twenties. I am married and we recently celebrated our 8th anniversary. My husband's name is Michael McDonald. He has a degree in technical writing, which he doesn't use. He works as a wine consultant and loves his job. I have a B.A. in social work, which I also don't use. I work at AR Children's Hospital as a supervisor in the Outpatient Dept. IMHO, there is absolutely nothing that compares to working at a pediatric hospital. The kids are phenomenal! Before I moved here I worked at Children's Hospital of WI for 8 years.
Before becoming involved in PFLAG I did education and advocacy work via computer. Several years ago some cyber friends and I formed a group on Prodigy called the Lavendar Wolf Pack. We worked separately and together on all the various forums providing accurate information and discussion with those espousing anti-gay rhetoric. A few years ago we relocated to Delphi, and were mentioned in the April 1995 issue of NetGuide.
On a more personal note, a few years ago I lost my supervisory job (which I now have back) because I refused to fire an employee who is gay. I knew the moment my dept. manager instructed me to fire the employee that my job was jeopardized. I immediately informed her I would not fire him, and that no matter how many "reasons" she could come up with, they were not authentic or accurate. She was uncomfortable with homosexuals based on her religious background. Instantly I went from an exemplary employee to one who supposedly was unsupportive. For the next year and a half everything I did was scrutinized and raked over the coals. It was one of the most stressful periods of my adult life. It was also an excellent learning experience, and something heartwarming happened via the hospital's gay grapevine -which I didn't even know existed. As with many businesses, we do not have enough employee parking spaces. A few days after this incident, I noticied that two men were always talking in the parking lot. As soon as I pulled the lower lot, they got in their cars to leave. Several weeks later I mentioned how lucky I was that they enjoyed visiting in the lot before going home. They both smiled and marveled that I still hadn't figured out what was happening. They went on to explain that while I don't know them, my reputation for being a strong, fair and supportive supervisor was a hot topic.
Still I didn't catch on. They worked third shift in the inpatient dept. In 9 years I had been to those units so rarely I didn't even know where specific units were located. Finally they told me that there were (are) man gay employees who are uncomfortable being out at work, but they wanted to somehow let me know they appreciated what I had done. I didn't even realize anyone outside of my immediate dept. knew! In order to thank me, and still feel safe, they provided me with a daily parking place until that lot was closed. I was so moved, I stood there and cried. I had no idea what to say
A few months after I was "allowed" to resign my position, I looked around and felt like something was missing in my life. Mike suggested it just might be stress. <G> Of course he was right. About this same time a member of our LWP family needed to step back from PFLAG-Austin to care for her son. Some of you from Texas may know her - Frances Pierson. I learned so much from her, and was so in awe of her knowledge, her capabilities and so glad for her friendship. I felt that without her presence in PFLAG there would be a huge gap to fill and even though I didn't live in Texas I thought I'd see if I could at least try to begin to patch it from here. And, finally, this was my introduction to PFLAG.
Previously I served as our Advocacy chairperson, our newsletter writer and editor, on our speakers bureau and did whatever else needed to be done. As of January, our president and I switched roles. She is now concentrating on advocacy and wants to learn how to help me with the newsletter.
I am our chapter's first president who is a friend, not a parent. Mike and I have two perfect cats, Schmuet and Fanny, who are our children.
Oy! I can't believe this is so LONG. I apologize for so chatty. I think this is what happens after being home on medical leave for three months. Thank goodness I go back Monday. <VBG>
I enjoy this list a great deal no matter what is being discussed. I think we can all learn from each other's knowledge, experience and opinions.
Hugs to all of you. You've add rays of sunshine to my life.
Esther
Old friends, like old wine, don't lose their flavor.
Date: Fri, 18 Jul 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
From: Steve_S@Cliffhanger.com
(Steve Schalchlin)
Subject: Intro: Steve Schalchlin
Sex: Male. Orientation: Gay (but love women and heteros) Flaws: I'm a songwriter. Other Flaws: Got AIDS dammit.
I have always been gay, but also had a few great relationships with some really great women. Was raised Fundamentalist Baptist (son of a preacher and a nurse) in southeast Texas. Was "run out of town" in East Texas in my early 20s after my "pals" realize I was gay (they realized it because one by one they all had sex with me).
After my AIDS diagnosis I was sick for about three years and wrote songs about it whereupon Jim Brochu, my lover of 13 years wrote a "book" around it and now we have a musical (about AIDS, suicide and Christian Homophobia) in New York called The Last Sessionwhich has been running for three months and is about to move to an off-Broadway house.
I began an online diary called Living In the Bonus Round last year when I thought I was dying, but I didn't die (wrote a musical instead). The website led me to Gabi Clayton who led me here.
I now constantly deal on the net with young suicidal "Christian" gay people who have been told they are inherently evil because they are gay -- and I am working with Maggie on her Bridges Across group, though I am not very cooperative with the other side sometimes, since I have let them know that just as they think being gay is sinful, I consider their theology to be inherently evil and sinful.
(goose and gander stuff you understand)
I met Maggie and she thought I'd be a wild-eyed activist, but I'm not. I'm just a man who hates hate and when I see too much of it coming from so-called "loving people" it pisses me off and I go off on rants -- "don't criticize the speck in another's eye until you take the burning cross from your own" or "sexual orientation is not a choice, but religion is..."
You know, fun stuff like that. :)
Anyway, my daily online diary has been featured in the NY Times, both online and off, and the contents have been added to course curriculum materials at Harvard University. And next week, I'm supposed to be in People Magazine with a picture where I'm standing in front of a big stained glass church window.
Mostly, though, I like to be home singing at the piano, playing with Thurber the Cat, chatting with friends and eating. A couple of nights ago, a woman with AIDS who had already decided to kill herself saw our play and said that because of it, she had decided NOT to commit suicide -- told her boyfriend he was giving him a raincheck.
I think that giving people hope and life is about the best thing you can do for mankind and for yourself.
That's what you people do here and I love you for it. Oh, one last thing: Yesterday I got my mom on the phone and I offhandedly asked her if she was proud of me. She couldn't answer. Oh, my folks love me. There's been no doubt about that, but it kinda shocked me when I realized she could not tell me she was proud of me.
I think what I love most here is when I see a parent who not only loves their gay kids, but is proud of them that they endure the hate of homphobia to make something great (or even humble) of their lives. You make a difference, my friends and I love this group more than I can possibly say in word or song.
Your Friend,
Steve S
_______________________________________________________________________
Steve Schalchlin
Living in the Bonus Round 5: The Lazarus Reintegration.
(The "famous" online diary of Steve S.)
Composer/lyricist for THE LAST SESSION http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/1173
Songwriter/singer on EVENING*STAR RECORDS http://www.eveningstar1.com
Date: Fri, 18 Jul 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
From: Charlene Wolff <wolff@star.net>
Subject: Son of Intro
Since everyone is telling their stories, I thought I would hop right on the bandwagon and get in my two cents worth. Just call me cliche girl!
My name is Charlene Wolff (call me Char), and I am another one of those Canadian types - even though I have been living in the US for the past 8 years. I am currently living in the Boston area and LOVE it!
I am 32 years old and I work as a technical writer for a wonderful wonderful company!! (They just renegotiated their benefits package to include domestic partner benefits - another reason I am proud to work for them). I have been married for almost 8 years to a wonderful sweet honey of a man named Mark. We met online 9 1/2 years ago (before the internet even really existed) and we are pioneers in this whole online romance thing. :-)
I came out to myself as bisexual about a year ago. The hardest moment was telling Mark - I was afraid that he would be worried about my love and commitment to him. Silly me. After screwing up my courage and telling him, he just looked at me kind of funny and said "Well of course you are." Sigh - talk about being the last to know. Since then I have started coming out to friends and have been getting a wonderful loving response. My parents have both passed away so I don't know how they would have reacted, but I like to think they would have been okay with it.
I joined PFLAG-talk last November and then joined the local chapter here in January. I have found that both groups are filled with the most wonderful people I have ever met. I find so much love and support here!! At the same time, I also want to do what I can to help people who don't find the love that I have - especially kids. I spend a fair amount of time online in various IRC chat rooms - and I have met a lot of scared and confused kids who are crying out for help. I try to be there for them as much as I can. In my spare time I like to read (mainly science fiction/fantasy - but I will read anything) write, correspond with pen-pals (yes - REAL pen and paper letters) and e-mail pals, go to movies, poke around on my computer and explore whatever area I am currently living in. TTFN
Char Wolff
Created July 13, 1997
Revised July 3, 1998
All copyright retained by individual authors. Please contact them for
permission to reprint for other than personal use.