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Date: Sun, 20 Jul 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
From: Kevin Sung Square@geocities.com
Subject: Intro time
I have been in Pflag for a few months, but I never post. Every time I
read the mails from you, I feel love & care. Since everybody put
his/her intro online, I think I'd better do the same.
My name is Kevin. I just graduated from college. I've known that I'm gay when I was 16. I came out to friends & some classmates about a year ago. They're all cool w/ that.
I'm living in China, a quite diffcult place for l/g/b/t people, but not to me. After coming to friends, they all tried to find their way to know more about homosexuality, and became very positive. One of them gave me the email adrress of the Pflag, so I am here.
I just graduated, and do have a plan yet. I'm thinking about having my own coffee shop *my major in uni is Hotel Management*, or a boutique *worked in a Gianni Versace(1946-1997)'s shop part-time*.
Don't have a lot of say, for I'm the one who doesn't know how to introduce himself. If you want to know more, you can always check out my website in GeoCites. I know many people in the list have their websites there.
Peace
Kevin
------------Kevin Sung------------
Email mailto:KSquare@GeoCities.com
Personal Homepage
http://www.GeoCities.com/WestHollywood/Heights/2874
------------------------------------
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From: John Joslin [Jmetcalfj@aol.com]
Date: Sat, 19 Jul 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: Intro:
Its been great getting to know all a little bit about the people that make up this list; I feel like someone has filled me in on a movie I walked into half-way through. My name is John Joslin and I have only been on this list for about a month. Im 30. Im gay. I live in Chicago. And I have a partner, named Jay.
Jay and I exchanged vows in front of about 500 people at our home on halloween night 1995--and frankly i think some of our guests who have not had too much interaction with anyone gay had a little trouble with the holiday timed wedding and the "no admittance without costume" directive. But they apologized later; It was a very touching event, I have to admit.
I subscribed to this list the day after my parents met Jay for the first time--about a month ago. A meeting that I really didnt think would ever happen. And while it was brief, it was a milestone! When I was 15, my mother told me that if I were gay to leave the house. I said nothing. The day I graduated from college, she told me not to come home if I were gay; I didnt respond. I still needed a home.
About 5 years ago, during a rare visit to kansas city, she asked again. This time I told. Family life has been a roller coster since then. That first night everything seemed ok...but the next morning I was a 'discusting faggot.' And now they have met my partner, so you can imagine that loads went on inbetween.
Thank god I had 15 years to prepare. I understand that this is very hard for them, that their scope of knowledge is limited and based on misinformation. I know, as I have for years, that we are on a slow road--I remember it took me several years after I realized I was gay to really accept and celebrate that fact--and I have to allow that for my parents also. But that doesnt mean that I can't push them to the next level when I see that they are getting comfortable.
For me, this list works like a coming-out-collected-short-stories book: all kinds of different people going through all kinds of emotional reactions. I read the postings everyday to remember that I'm not the only one going through this. The postings from parents who are not yet ready to be pride parade marchers are filled full of helpful insights into my parents. I'll probably always be a lurker on this list; but that doesnt mean that I get any less out of it. Daily brain food.
thanks/friendably/john
ps. any parents in shawnee mission kansas on this list?
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From: Rick Rattie [rrattie@olywa.net]
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Date: Mon, 21 Jul 1997
Hi there:
A while back I did a half way done introduction of myself to the group and thought I would upgrade it a little.
My name is Rick Rattie and I guess I wear several hats in my life.
I am a gay man and I am proud of who I am.
I was a victim of a hate crime and survived.
I am an aids activist going on 12 years strong!
I am a caregiver for my partner in life.
I am a Chocolaholic, net addict and Star Trek fannatic.
And finally I am a people lover.
When I was growing up in roman catholic family, I was brought up to help others. At holiday times there would always be friends at the family table. My family believed in volunteerism and were constantly involved with projects and organizations to help others. I often thought I started the trend recently in my family with helping others but I was wrong: My parents are involved with Hope From Horses (Horseback riding for handicapped children and young adults). My brother who is also gay is involved with Project Angel Food in Los Angeles, to name a few things.
My partner of life Steve is a retired chef. He retired from the work force in July of 1995 because he learned that he was HIV+. When he was diagnosed he had CD4 count of 2 and as of last week he had 120. He has a new lease on life and is looking at going back to work in the near future.
This past year I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and depression and have started on a rehabilitation program to get me back to work.
I am a founding member of a local aids organization here Olympia named the United Community Aids Network formerly Olympia AIDS Task Force. I have severed in numerous positions in the organization but predominantly helping to care of people living with the disease. Be it helping them to live their lives or holding their hand or them when they make the transition from this life. I am currently writing a book that will envelop my 11+ years experiences of being on the front line in the aids pandemic. Few books have been written from someone who is not a quote 'profesional' in the field in regards to AIDS and it is something I want to do.
I want to share something with you all that is very close to heart. 5 years ago, I helped take care of a young man who was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS three months after graduation. I spent hours on end with this young man and helped take care of him till the day he left this Earth. The reason why? His mother turned her back on him at the age of 18 when he was diagnosed with AIDS. Jonathan, my friend and brother by choice died three days after Thanksgiving on the day he was born 21 years ago.
I want to take a sec to thank one of our members here, Gabi Clayton. She is one of the most incredible people that I have ever met in my life. She was the first person I told about me being a victim of a hate crime like her son Bill. I have not even told my parents and it has been over 11 years. I have told a bit about what happened to me and my bashing.... [on Gabi's response page for Bill's story: http://members.tripod.com/~claytoly/Re_Bills_Story3 - JL]
Thanks for making me feel welcome the first time I emailed to PFLAG!
HUGS
Rick
TerraCon '97 Head of Volunteers
Check out the pic of my pooch!
http://www.sirius.com/~hbp/Kees/shadow.htm
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From: "Al Bertke" <abertke@scc.net>
To: <pflag-talk@casti.com>
Subject: Fw: Intro-Al Bertke
Date: Mon, 21 Jul 1997
Just got back on pflag talk after a long absence. Last December my computer died and I just didn't get back on.
I'm the originator of the signature "A proud father of a gay son"- And many at PFLAG appreciate my speaking of "son and son-in-law". For truly I am proud of my son and son-in-law and really appreciate their living so close. They take my wife and I out for Mother's Day, Father's Day and we get together for birthdays.
Our son Andrew came out when he turned 17. He was not ready to come out because he had heard horror stories about parents kicking their glbt children out of the house. But when his mother asked him if his friend was homosexual he said, "Mother, you asked the wrong question!"
I'm a retired clergyman of a conservative denomination (read "fundamentalist"). When Andrew came out to me he first asked, "Do you have unconditional love?" I was 55 years old and traditional ways had me believing homosexuality was a choice. So needless to say after telling him I had unconditional love I had no more information except to tell him I love him and we went from there.
Andrew and a gay clergy friend told us to join PFLAG so we drove 130 miles (one way) each month to the PFLAG meeting 6 weeks after Andrew came out and I became a member of the PFLAG Board of the St. Paul/Minneapolis, MN PFLAG. Andrew has a web page at <http://scc.net/~agbertke/.
Darlene, my wife, and I are very active speaking to and for GLBT community. Schools and churches as well as large corporations are becoming more receptive in spite of all the hatred that the Christian Coaltion and their subsideraries can spew at the good people of Minneapolis and St. Paul.
We also have a daughter who runs an upscale restaurant who got to know Sandra Bullock and most of the crew from "A Time to Kill" because the movie was filmed in the neighboring town in Mississippi and many of the crew were regular visitors at the restaurant.
I served for 5+ years on the local PFLAG board and ended my term as president. I have served on numerous GLBT organizations as board member and spokesperson. I also wrote a spiritual column for a gay magazine for 8 months before they changed the format of the magazine. I had the opportunity to talk with Dan Foley (of Hawaii) and use his story thanks to my friend Scott in California.
C, are you still on the list? Hello, Jason, Deb, Maggie, Barbara, Scott and the many others I've shared with.
As many of you know, I could go on forever. But enuf for now! You can see I'm very proud of both our children.
A proud father of a gay son, Al
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Date: Wed, 23 Jul 97 10:01:58
From: "Patricia Mary Atthey" <kckbr@msn.com>
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: intro from England
I have loved all your introductions both old and new so here's mine. Hello everyone I am Patricia Mary Atthey. I hold a B.Sc. (Hons) in sociology which I'm very proud of as I gained it only two years ago at the age of 60. When I was young I played the violin and until my first marriage this is what I wanted to do. Ah! Youth!!! I live in the North East of England in a small village type place called Boldon, which is about 6 miles from the North Sea. My husband Norman and I now have only our latest pooch Cindy, to look after in our one bedroomed bungalow, which means instead of doing housework I can do this. We are a his, herís and ourís family, he the father of 4, me the mother of 5. Our last one, Rob being our only child together and the reason behind my new lease of life. Rob has said ìMam what would you have found to do if I had never told you I am gayî. Besides Normanís 13 grandchildren who we donít see very often, we have 7 of mine who live quite near and are very close, with another 3 on the way. This afternoon we are celebrating the birthday of one of the granddaughters, Louise, who is 6.
When Rob did tell me he was gay (in fact he said he was bi-sexual, which he thought would soften the blow. It doesnít), I am ashamed to say I did not take it very well. Although I always made it very plain that I loved him, I could not understand. In other words I was totally ignorant on this subject. I knew nothing about gay people and to the best of my knowledge knew no gay people, with only the rather sad or funny stereotypes from the media to go on. My big, handsome, youngest son of three others and 2 daughters didnít fit that stereotype. He was the most loved child by his siblings as well as a love child and he tells me he had the best childhood that anyone could want. When I think back I wasted so much time in crying and wanting things to go back to being as it was before. I tried all sorts to understand or maybe change him, the doctor, read everything I could lay my hands on, took it as a subject in inequality at university. But it was only by talking to other parents of gay children, after many months, that I came, slowly, to understand and accept my son as the whole, marvellous young man he is.
These parents were part of the British equivilant of pflag, but only act as an umbrella organization for all the individual help-lines/support groups in the country. I then made a pledge that I would join them and set up my own help-line here in the North East where we had nothing like that to help others, I did this in August 1995 and called it Parents Enquiry North East.
Since then I have been joined by another 4 mums which means that the whole of the North East is covered 24 hours per day. We are becoming quite well known and are called by social workers, child protection units and various other statutary organizations as well as parents and gay people. We have recently expanded, with the help of some from pflag, (thanks again) to cover the parents of bi-sexual and transgendered sons and daughters too. As I do all the admin, fundraising and everything it takes up lots of my time, but I have been lucky enough to meet some really lovely people in the last two years Especially you lot (grin)! and I have never regreted starting it all.
To bring up to date those who already know all this, I havenít been anywhere. I have been getting your posts but obviously you havenít been getting mine. I did try the digest but didnít like it. (Steve, I have been hitting the reply to sender button. This must be wrong, so do I hit that button but change the address ??) We have been very active in the National press, had stories in the Independent and the Daily Mail and a decent womanís magazine as well as our local press and have been twice on national radio. What with Pride and the talk of lowering of the age of consent for gay men to 16, which would make it equal for everyone, the views of us parents are in much demand. Thatís all I think for now. Thanks for reading. A bit of humour now.
English Joke Husband to Wife---Put your coat on Iím going to the pub. Wife------Your taking me with you??? (In disbelief) Husband------No, Iím turning off the central heating.
Love to you all
Patricia Mary
kckbr@msn.com
My address is the initials of my children. Kathleen, Christopher,
Karen, Bryan and Rob. I love them more than life itself.
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From: stanj@intergate.bc.ca
Date: Wed, 23 Jul 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: Intro
Hi everyone....another Canuck here......Gertrude Stevens by name.
I have been a lurker for quite some time. My first time round was a couple of years ago and now it's just a couple of months.
Why so long? Because I am terrified and bewitched by computers and dazzled by the internet and chicken at heart.
Well.... I have 3 daughters! They couldn't be more different had I put in such an order.
The oldest one is 40 years old. She came out to us in 1989 during her second marriage. This was a traumatic time for all of us. Her husband was and is a darling. He helped us enormously and we cried together and hugged together and came through it together. He is still a part of our family. For my daughter the trip to acceptance was bad. I am ashamed to say that we urged her to seek therapy to 'make sure'. She did and through a progression of her inner turmoils and lack of acceptance of herself she slid into the hands of some unscrupulous people who identified themselves as therapists. She lost everything. Everything except her family. She was financially in a bad way, almost ruined, borrowed from everyone and when that was tapped out the therapists dropped her and she was a mess. In between these times she met and fell deeply in love with a woman who didn't return the feelings with the same intensity which also added to the destruction of her self esteem. The family came under attack but I'm pleased to say we held together.
Slowly, slowly and all alone she put herself back together and today says she will never again let anyone play with her head. She is in a new relationship with a lovely woman and as an added bonus we have a new grandson. They are totally blissed out. You can stand in their presence and benefit from their glow. The wrinkle is that we have a local branch of 'christians' who are making life miserable for all GLBT's.
Kathee (my daughter) was instrumental in getting me going with PFLAG. When she came out I wanted to meet other parents of gays, but seemingly there were none in Vancouver. She was working with Celebration '90, the Gay Games, and found some info on PFLAG in Portland and lovely Marge shepherded me through the beginnings of starting a chapter; the folks in Denver provided material and Jean G. in Springfield, MA became my mentors and dare I say my *fairy* godmothers. They all came to Vancouver for the Games and some of them stayed with us and Marge conducted a mock PFLAG meeting so that I could see how it went. I love Americans. They have a heart as big as their country. Generous doesn't begin to describe it.
My other two daughters are: Barb. married, 2 kids....one 19 lives with us cause he and his mom have hit a rough patch so Stan and I are reliving adolesence! Yuk! Other daughter is going to university part-time and working part-time and in a relationship (het.) part-time.
I have been doing PFLAG alone since 1990. By alone I mean me with the assistance of my husband Stan. I think I have reached what is called burn out. I have been attempting to keep things together by having the group run by a steering committee but that's proving tough. We seem to have a core group that is hanging in there, but it's been a looooooooooong road.
I also developed rheumatoid arthritis during this time and that's a fun disease! Lately been told that I have osteo-arthritis too. I believe I have variants of others too but at the moment this is quite enough. Marge in Portland OR who helped me so much used to say about herself and her gay son ...."I don't say what did I do wrong....I say what did I do right. I used to think, my god how can she say that? Well now I'm saying it too. Thank God for gay people. I wouldn't change a hair on any of their heads and it's gratifying and humbling to be part of PFLAG and watch this revelation happen with other people. So this is long enough for now.
Bye bye for now
Gertrude in Vancouver
on the westcoast of Canada
Date: Thu, 24 Jul 1997
From: Nanette or Chris or Jess <nanette@cruzio.com>
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: Intro--PFLAG-Talk
Hi everyone! Let me introduce myself. I am a 40 year old lesbian single-mom of 2 children. I came out almost 4 years ago. I work in the public school system. I am a proud mother of a lesbian daughter. She is 12 years old. Yes, it seems young to know one's orientation, but she knows herself well and I respect her decision to come out. We have been attending a Metropolitan Community Church in our area (in California), a positive church that affirms people of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered community for 4 years.
My son is 9 and has bipolar disorder, and is a delight. I was divorced 7 years ago. My kids visit their dad in Montana during school vacations. I came out to their father 3 1/2 years ago. He was not happy about it, but didn't harrass me about it. When she was 9, my daughter wrote in her journal at school that she thought she might be gay. Everyone, including me, told her that she was probably too young to know. However, I told her that however she turned out, be it gay or straight was how God made her and would be fine. I was very careful not to influence her at all, even though I knew one can't influence someone to be gay or straight. I wanted her to discover herself and feel good about herself, which she has.
Now we have the problem that her dad doesn't know that she considers herself a lesbian. When she was 9 and wrote about being gay, her dad lectured her severely, telling her that God sends gays to hell and other similar lies. She has been considering whether to come out now for quite a while. It is not my place to tell her what to do in her relationship with her father. I've talked over the many possibilities with her, as have counselors and many friends. She's read many books on coming out to parents. She has decided to come out to her father soon, by either letter or phone conversation.
My daughter has received much harassment at school because the students perceive her as being a lesbian. I'm working on that situation.
I am "out" in the community where I live. I am out to a few people at work. I never come out to students, but admire those who can safely accomplish that.
I am looking forward to hearing from others who can be supportive.
Nanette
From: LnFing504@aol.com
Date: Thu, 24 Jul 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: Re: [intro]
Just a short bit 'bout myself: I'm a 45-yr. old lesbian, Jewish, who shares life with her S.O. of 16 yr., Laura, and 3 furry felines--Mr. Mary, Rufus & Monroe. Laura & I are both CPAs--she as a Sr. Tax Manager with one of the Big 6 accounting firms & myself as a tax examiner with IRS (though I'm currently in computer support). Needless to say, we don't bring work home! <grin> I've been out 'bout 17 yr. & my parents have known from within a week of me coming out to myself. (Mom asked in a phone conversation, I said no. She asked again & I said yes. We survived the ice age. I think my folks think that Lori has been a good influence on me. My parents live in Metairie, about 20 minutes from where Laura & I live in the French Quarter.)
Ellen Fingerman
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Date: Sat, 26 Jul 1997
To: pflag-talk-digest@casti.com
From: Tom Barnes <tbarnes@conductor.synapse.net>
Subject: INTRO ... Another Canadian <LONG>
Hello Dear Friends,
Finally, time to say a proper hello to my on-line P-FLAG family. I am a 48yr young gay man born & living in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. Being a Canadian mongrel I juggle several backgrounds. The English side of the family (Yorkshire) missed my dad completely and hit me. My mom comes from an Irish/German parents. So I always say, "In times of crisis, my Irish side wants to throw a bomb. My English side wants to negotiate a settlement, and, my German side wants to make sure it is the BEST BUILT BOMB POSSIBLE!"
I came out at 36 sort of like baked goods, all the ingredients mixed and slowly brought to fruition. The nicest thing a gay friend said to me was "Is it your time? (to come out) Then, welcome." I well remember looking in the mirror one morning and affirming my gay-ness with a smile on my face. Unfortunately I didn't have a clean shirt for work that day (tsk, tsk). Reality hits.
Last week my mother got her shorts in a knot because I, once again, appeared on television, this time "carrying THAT flag." Our Pride Committee fundraised for our own 60' by 30' pride flag this past year and I joined about 8,000 participants in the July 13 Pride Parade. I was priveledged to be among those who carried the flag along the parade route. (They needed strong arms and backs to keep that flag flying)
When I came out at work (I was a salesman in the audio industry) two things happened: a) my sales performance shot up (no doubt due to the self-esteem or as I would put it, just feeling great with that load off my shoulders) and, b) I suddenly became the "person you can tell your secrets to." At the first sales meeting after outing myself the owner suggested that the other staff might consider becoming gay if it would help their performance this much ;-) Loved that guy. My immediate supervisor was, on balance, most surprised. Roger thought only in terms of "gay stereotypes" and got caught off-guard - his str8dar must have been in for service.
Later I worked in the social/market research field for a number of years. (Guess who they counted on to find l/g/b people for focus groups and surveys) On one job for a local broadcaster the research director extracted some data on the g/l/b scene in our government town: Survey says, "About 18% of our sample are likely to be lesbian or gay. This figure supports similar research done in cities such as Washington, London, which also indicate that the prevalence of g/l is about double that oft quoted 10% figure." Safety in numbers and secure (relatively) employment are sited as the principal reasons. Wow, I always thought there were a lot of Dorothy's friends around town.
Now, in the Gay 90s I work from my home and can be seen dashing about town visiting clients. Several years ago I took the job as a part-time office manager for Pink Triangle Services our local g/l/b support agency. It formed in 1984 and has carried on its service work almost entirely on private donations. PTS operates the Gayline a peer counselling/information service (started in 1973), discussion groups for men, women, youth; senior support services (YES, there are older gay people, Doctor); in-service training for social service professionals, our Regional Police, universities, etc.; support for spouses of gays and lesbians who have come out while married (you can't just care about one part of a family).
I am a member of P-FLAG Ottawa and their E-mail contact. (Ottawa's group doesn't exist on your American "International" list but it does on the www.gaycanada.com list. - Maggie?)
During the Pride Parade this year our P-FLAG parents again gave out hundreds of "Straight but NOT Narrow" buttons to onlookers. PTS also gives them to those who complete our in-service workshops on homophobia/accessibility issues. (Design available no charge via E-mail should you wish a copy.) The button is hot pink to the right of the upper left corner/lower right corner diagonal line, rectangular in shape, portrait orientation ;-) with black lettering. The left diagonal is white. Very popular. We go through about 1,000 every year.
I do computer upgrades, installation, networking, software training - plenty of problem solving - and have a small recording service for choirs, musicians, singers, etc. where I do archival recordings of their concerts - on location. Performances by Ottawa's lesbian and gay choirs (we have 4 now!) in the past 11 years are also "in the can." It's our history/herstory to pass along. I provide graphics & layout for various businesses and community groups, and as election time rolls around for our gay/lesbian local candidates/incumbants.
Known as a "golden voice" on the telephone, I have worked radio phone-in shows and take particular pleasure every year during pride week in interviewing my friends Norma and Glenn Evans, P-FLAG parents for "All Gay, All Day" a 24 hour radio broadcast. I'll have you know . . . I'm very good looking on radio!
Well, enough for now. You were warned ;-)
Tom from "Canada, the country on top!"
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From: PFLAGCOSPG@aol.com
Date: Sun, 27 Jul 1997
To: PFLAG-TALK@casti.com
Subject: INTRO: Jerry in Colorado
Hi, I have been on PFT for quite some time but don't post much these days - yet I still faithfully read most posts.
I am a 46 year old (currently single) gay man living in Colorado Springs, CO. My weekdays are kept busy as a corporate executive for a national health food/herbal mail order company. I am completely 'out' at work and most everyone is 'way cool' about it. Coming out at work in the past year has been very good for me and extremely good for many others. Lots of education and growth on many levels.
Outside of work I sing in a gay/lesbian chorale in Denver, volunteer and train on a suicide prevention hotline, and of course am active in my local PFLAG chapter. Also, I have been practicing TM (Transcendental Meditation) for 23 years and have been a trained teacher of the technique for over 20 years.
Two years ago my partner was killed in an auto accident. After that I knew I could no longer live without my family knowing fully who I was - I needed their love and support more than ever. So, about a year and a half ago I came out to my whole family in one marathon family meeting. It was fantastic and they all continue to be warm and supportive (am I blessed or what!). As I flew back to colorado I wrote about my coming out experience and to my pleasure the story has been posted around the internet as well as accepted for publication in a book coming out this fall called Mixed Emotions. (anyone interested can read the story on QRD): http://www.qrd.org/qrd/misc/text/the.beginning.after.the.end
Last year I attended and greatly enjoyed the national pflag convention - especially the opportunity to meet some of the wonderful people from pflat-talk. Not sure if I can make it this year but if I do I will again look forward to lots of hugs from old and new friends.
Love to all! Jerry
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From: Paul Deeming <pdeeming@rnc.net>
Date: Tue, 29 Jul 1997
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: intros
I'm Paul Deeming, on-again off-again lurker (meaning I pipe in only when I have something worthwhile to say), Gay man, 37 years younger-than-my-chronological-age old, currently an agnostic Christian, Irishman, voc rehab counselor, St. Paul, MN resident, single (hello out there!), and list member for about a year and a half. Oh, and recently nationally certified interpreter!! :) Short of studying for the clergy and formal professional anti-gay therapy, if you read Mel White's autobiography (A Stranger at the Gate), you've got my story. Grew up under the religious oppression against Gays, especially in high school and beyond, believing until I was 34 that if I was just good enough, prayed hard enough, and was a good enough Christian, that God would have mercy on me and change me <read str8>. I dated women (even had sex with one) figuring that I had to "step out in faith". I believe it, tried to have enough faith in it, and finally came to terms with the fact that "it ain't gonna happen". It didn't take! It's tough to think about the wasted years, especially the young dating years (I'm thinking high school and college) when I was so deeply in the closet and self-denial, but there must have been some reason for it.
I was also the perfect child, the "happymaker" in my family (balancing out my screw up older brother), and one never to make waves because I didn't want anyone to find out anything about me (esp. my "secret"). I never came out to my biological parents, as they died before I was ready, but they did once find some porn in my room when I was away for the weekend and they decided my bedroom needed painting! :{ We never really talked about it, but two weeks later my Mom asked me, out of the blue, if I were "turning gay on them". I said no, that the mags were a friend's, but of course looking back now, I don't believe they were that gullible. But our family wasn't one to have very deep discussions on anything. I came out to my brother and sister via phone two years ago, and they're fine with it, although my sister doesn't understand why I have to talk about it.
I have a second, surrogate family in Iowa: people who I've known for about 12 years since I spent two summers in their town stage managing their summer stock theatre (my first degree). They "adopted" me as one of the family, and figured out I was gay after about six years. Even though they are fairly close to fundamentalists, that was okay, because "Paul's praying about it and God's gonna change him." The shit hit the fan later during my coming out when I told them I didn't believe that crap anymore. Now, of course, I'm living in sin for my chosen lifestyle (they don't quite believe that the orientation is chosen but I choose to live the life anyway) and out of God's will. Well, I feel incredibly blessed by God in my life, and if this is a state of unblessedness, then I can't wait to see what real blessings are!!
I am currently a voc rehab counselor working with blind and deafblind persons, and I also do interpreting for the U of MN on the side. I live in St. Paul with my "son", Willie (a poodle).
Well, enough about me, you all "tauk amungst yourselves".
Paul
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Date: Wed, 30 Jul 1997
From: Gerald <gtcw@irix.net>
To: pflag-talk@casti.com
Subject: Intro: Gerald
Gerald: An Introduction Hi! Wow...it has been quite sometime since I written to this list ... mainly because I was caught up with so many other things in my life...particularly exams... I am facing 4 exams in this second half of the year, one being a major national exam. I was interested in guys since the age of 12 and was never interested in girls. But at that time, I didn't really give those thoughts lots of consideration. I didn't worry about my future, didn't worry about many things.
Early this year, I began to gave thought about my sexuality seriously....and received incredible support from so many friends at PFLAG Talk ... many who have helped me in my self-acceptance journey. I came out to my parents this year, with moral support from PFLAG Talk. It was a step-by-step thing.... I asked how to go about it, PFLAG Talk responded, I did it, I told them what happened....etc, etc.
Now I'm here, still a little sad, still a little confused, still a little afraid to face facts and feelin' lonely. I guess everyone of us feels this way once in a while. If anyone happens to know any guys in Penang, preferably aged 15-25 (I'm 16 yrs old), let me know cause I really want to talk to someone in real life.
People would describe me as intelligent, academically inclined, achievement oriented. But I guess there isn't anyone who really knows the 'real me'.
I wear a thick mask. I guess that's all. Check out my homepage, 1 Out OF Every 10 at http://1outofevery10.home.ml.org. I am also a columnist for Oasis http://www.oasismag.com. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone on this list whose help has been invalu[a]ble to me.
Gerald
Hi, bonjour tout le monde,
My name is Nicole, my age 48, my job Executive assistant in the pharmaceutical industry.
I presently live in Tours, right where the castles are, about 250 km from PARIS, with my second husband Gabriel, just turned 50 this year.
Two children were born from my first marriage : Silvine (18) and Clement (13). My husband has two also : Thomas (21) and Charlotte (9). Plus 3 dogs : a very old Kiki, Sky a 2 yr old retriever and Snoopy a 1 yr beagle.
To end up the picture, Gabriel deals with forests.
We have a nice big house right by a lake, 10 mn from down town Tours. Great place to walk the dogs.
I'm here for Silvine, or because of her, or thanks to her!
She has recently admitted to herself being gay and to me when I told her I'd understood she was - not only had I always seen her flashing on girls at ages when little girls usually flashed for their summer camps male monitors, but I have also taken all the hints she had left by : all sorts of handwritten papers (the first one I found was a total shock though), her going ten times see the movie Bound, insisting on watching the gay pride on TV, etc. etc.
I guess I've always known, but still I had to get used to it. She seems much better being clear with herself (and maybe with a mum to talk to) but although I've learnt a lot in a few months I craved to talk, to exchange, to communicate with other parents.
Of course I do not open to anyone of something which is her thing, only my second husband knows who is not her father. She has not told her father yet. Every time she is to see him she tells me she will, and she doesn't, she doesn't know how he will react, and we've decided I wouldn't say a word.
She went through a failed attempt to be an exchange student this year (she has been kicked out of her stay after 4 months, not getting along with the mother and the american organization refusing to change her of family, partly they all didn't accept her being gay and the french correspondant accused me of not telling them before signing her in, do you call that discrimination? - funny the american organization which kicked her out is called FLAG in Michigan! I wouldn' recommend them...) but I also know she is not always easy to live with!
Now she is in Paris, staying at my parents, and she studies theater and modern jazz dance. She would like to be an artist, and it's the musical comedy that took her first to the US. She dreams of going back there of course... she knows she must raise some money first!
We have in France, I should say in Paris, an antenna of PFLAG called CONTACT, open 2 or 3 days a week and where I had a wonderful welcome one day I could get there. They have meetings once every other monthe, I cannot attend or see anyone. I'm thinking of setting up an antenna of CONTACT PFLAG in Tours.
The society in France has no organization like yours, I mean LBG student offices in schools, in churches, etc. We hardly ever talk about it, people don't know anything, just as I used to.
My life has changed since I met you all on the web, if there is any French people coming to this list, please e-mail me, we can maybe meet somewhere or at least discuss of the French approach to gay children and their life here. thinking of opening an antenna (a chapter?) [webmaster's note: I believe the word Nicole's looking for is "branch".] here, any advise would be appreciated.
A plus tard tout le monde, your enormous loving is the best you can find on the market.
AMITIES de NICOLE
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