I am the mother of one F2M son and one "original" son. My boys are 27 and 25. The oldest is the TG and he has graduated from law school with a masters in social work also. My other son is in medical school and also studying for a masters in Epidemiology at Case Western Reserve. David is living with a friend near the school and is just sort of dealing with his new brother. Mitch has moved back to Cleveland after living in Columbus for 10 years and is sharing a house with my mother-in-law who is 83 years young and need some help around the house. Things there are working out fairly well.
I have started a support group and we have 5 M2Fs, and 4 F2Ms (including my son) and 2 mothers. One couple each going the other way will be getting married in October, I think. We started meeting in May and have really enjoyed each others' company. We have had 2 cook-outs already this summer.
I work with my husband in his CPA practice during the day when other duties do not call. Other things I do include working 3 nights a week at an answering service, and I just started a Postpartum Doula Agency: helping new mothers in this day of "drive-thru delivery". These girls come home after 24 to 48 hours, many do not know what to do with this new baby and the hospital doesn't have time to help them learn. I go to their home for 3-5 hours a day for as long as they might need me. I get referrals through girls I have helped and from Nursery Schools, pediatrician offices, birthing doulas, and some hospitals. It seems to be a very necessary service these days when so many new mothers are not living near their families, or their parents work or have other activities in this very mobile society we live in today. This is my favorite job. I love the new babies!! I also assist new moms in deep postpartum depression.
I have never had a problem finding some who needed help or some how they always find me. Though my husband does complain sometimes that I am always ready to help someone else to the point of not taking care of myself. I always have to keep busy. I hardly ever sit around at home, so sometimes I do let my email get behind. But I do try to read it nearly every day. Answering though, I get behind unless I have the time to answer as I read. Often I print and then take it to work with me to read and try to mark those I want to respond to and hope I find the time to get on the internet and respond.
I myself have a degree in education and I taught first and second grade before I had children. I married my high school sweetheart and we just celebrated our 33rd anniversary, still very much in love! After children, I taught in a nursery school for about 6 years, until my husband said he needed more of my help in the office. So I gave up teaching in 1979, and have been working with him ever since. We used to spend nearly 24 hours a day together until I began getting involved in so many other projects. I think it all started shortly after I first heard about what my "son" wanted to do. That was about Dec of 1993.
This is a one of my first messages to tgs-pflag. You notice
that I wrote this in early January and I started the support
Cleveland support group in May.
Subj: Re: Transition and Adolescence
Date: 96-01-05 23:21:04 EST
From: KittenGr@aol.com
Reply-to: tgs-pflag@mtcc.com
To: tgs-pflag@mtcc.com
Hello,
My name is Kitten and I have not yet responded to the newsletter, but instead have been lurking around and glancing at the postings. Actually, all this is new to me and time has not been on my side. We just got back from a 2 week trip and there is so much to catch up on at work. Our "vacation" turned into counselling sessions for friends on the pros and cons of their getting a divorce, and we were up for the 4 evenings before we left till 4 or 5 in the morning and then had to get up at 5 to catch our flight home. Now we have lots of sleep to catch up on also. But this is getting off the topic.
I am the mother of a FTM who had "top" surgery in March of 95. He has been so happy since then. My husband and I were very accepting of the situation and so was my daughter/son's husband. They have since divorced and become best friends. My "son" thought it best to move out and hope his "X" can find another life. He has even tried to fix him up and counselled on dating techniques. They do have a nice relationship which I find very surprising.
As much as I tried to accept this change, it was easier to accept the person outwardly, but I have still been hurting on the inside and really miss my daughter. We had a very close mother-daughter friendship. We do have a better mother-son relationship now than I have with my other son. My other son seems to be angry with me over this happening and he will not accept his new brother and they hardly talk. The most I can say is that they are civil to each other and stay out of each other's way. He has given some hand me down clothes to my new son, but that is the most accepting he's been. I ave gone for counselling, but "D" will not. My husband says he has accepted the situation and does not need any help. I must admit he has done rather well, and has tried hard to be a comfort to me and help me understand. As a matter of fact, our "new" son is about to move near us and begin to work for his father!! Hope it will work out for the best!!!
Our son is now 27 and it was Christmas 93 when he first told of what was happening. His "husband" was also there for the discussion. He had been on hormones for 9 months by then. "M" was divorced in June of 94 after 3 years of a very happy marriage. That's what was so hard to understand at first. Of course, they then told us about the lack of sex life. "M" just could not participate. And that's when counselling helped him find what he was really looking for. Then looking back on his very unhappy childhood, I could see where he really seemed more like a little boy than a little girl. I just thought he was so jealous of his younger brother. He would wear his brother's underwear, and only wanted to buy his clothes in the boys department when he was old enough to chose. He was very good in math and computers, which at the time, was thought that males were best at. He just seemed to have very masculine ideas, and he clashed a great deal with his father, who thought he just wasn't very feminine - not the little girl he hoped we had. They were never very close and clashed often. Both are very head strong. Now they seem to get on much better.
I was very worried how my elderly parents with their Victorian ideas would accept this change in their first (and in one case, only) Granddaughter. Both sets have dealt with it very well. Only my mother-in-law still seems to have a terrible problem with the pronouns. I, too, have still had rouble with the pronouns. "M" is now going to move in with this grandmother. My father-in-law passed away before he ever found out. He was very ill and in nursing home when "M" first "came out".
Well, I am very tired now and it is late. Thanks for letting me rattle on. Now you know more about my story. I have enjoyed reading the others and wish I knew others near-by so we could meet and talk. Just reading on this list has helped. I am anxiously for the FAQ to be revised so I can read it in it's entirety. I will be watching for it. Many of my friends and some the family have asked me so many questions, like I should know the answers? Like most want to know "Why?" "What happened?" But they do admit they wondered when she seemed more masculine growing up.