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Conditions
of Unconditionality
And the Catholic bishops said, "You are always our
children."
I first learned of the National Conference of
Catholic Bishops' "Pastoral Message to Parents of
Homosexual Children" while attending Rosh Hashanah
services at San Francisco's gay and lesbian
synagogue, Sha'ar Zahav (actually, it was
technically at the First Congregational Church, but
that's a whole 'nother story).
The timing of the letter struck me as especially
significant, considering it came on one of the
holiest days of the Jewish year. The timing of the
letter was made even more meaningful to me in light
of the Rabbi's sermon that day.
On Rosh Hashanah, Jews read the Torah story of
The Akedah, in which Abraham offers his son, Isaac,
as a sacrifice to God. The way I've always heard
it, God was so pleased that Abraham would make this
supreme sacrifice, God spares Isaac in a sort of
"good job" kind of reward.
I've always been bothered by the story: I see
Abraham as a really bad parent. No matter how much
Abraham wanted to please God, I never believed it
should have been enough for him to actually
sacrifice his own child. And it made me question a
God that would want the parent of the Jewish people
to do such a heinous thing.
Well, this year, I learned there is a different
take on this story. Rabbi Littman said there is a
school of thought that believes Abraham was indeed
being tested by God--not to measure his loyalty to
God, but his loyalty to his child. And Abraham
failed miserably, resulting in his never actually
seeing the face of God again.
Finally, the Torah made some sense to me. And my
thoughts wandered to the Catholic bishops, who must
have understood the significance of releasing their
letter on the day The Akedah is read.
So many communities of faith have failed their
children by using their bibles to teach and preach
hatred and intolerance. Using narrow
misinterpretations of single sentences pulled from
tomes of text to decry and denounce their very own,
evangelists and quiet parishioners alike have
sacrificed their children for so long--all in the
name of God.
Did the bishops read the Old Testament
differently this year? Did they finally realize
that parental love must be truly unconditional? I
have my doubts. The letter does contain a good bit
of PFLAG-style understanding and acceptance ("God
does not love someone any less simply because he or
she is homosexual"). However, the overriding
message is that the homosexual children parents are
now allowed to love unconditionally must never have
homosexual sex ("Encourage him or her to cooperate
with God's grace in order to live a chaste life").
So does this letter mark a revolutionary change in
Catholic doctrine? Not exactly--we'll have to be
satisfied with the world-revolves-around-the-sun
thing for a while longer.
Openly gay people must still be denied public
roles of service and leadership by the church, says
the letter. The bishops toe the line that
"homogenital behavior is objectively immoral," and
counsel parents to hold out hope that, despite
their child's homosexual orientation--which, in
itself, is not a sin--their child will never, ever
choose to engage in homosexual behavior
("Welcome homosexual persons into the faith
community... Do not presume that all homosexual
persons are sexually active"). What about those
parents with children who are and will be sexually
active? Nothing. No guidance, no unconditional
love, nada.
I was fortunate to be raised by parents
well-versed in the true meaning of unconditional
love. I am certain they never would have sacrificed
me or my brother for any person or spirit--no
matter how big. Parents are just supposed to love
their kids. Period. Parents such as mine should not
be the exception; they should be the rule. Surely
God would agree.
-- Lauren Hauptman
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