Please e-mail introductions to the webmaster, John
Lindner, if you'd like them included on the PFLAG-Talk/TGS-PFLAG
Introductions
Page. Please let him know if you don't want your email address
included
in your introduction.
This FAQ is written in two parts. The first part, written by Robyn Serven, captures the "spirit" of TGS-PFLAG. The second part, compiled by the list-owner is in the more traditional Q & A format.
Welcome into our homes and lives. You are now a resident of the TGS-PFLAG neighborhood.
There are a lot of nice people here. Some of us are like you and some of us are quite different. Down the block is a woman who has a newly emerging son and right across the street is a woman with a daughter she didn't know she had until recently. On the corner lives someone who refers to herself as bigendered. S/he lives next door to a couple of women who used to be viewed as a "normally" married heterosexual couple. And over there lives a man who grew up as a girl right next door to a person who doesn't believe sie is either gender or that there are only two genders. The house behind you is where a transgendered woman lives who doesn't believe that surgery is right for her. And you live right between a woman who has a gay child and is working for a more accepting world, and a man who enjoys presenting as a woman during portions of his life.
We are, all of us, different than one another. And many of us have differing views of what it would take to make us happy. So we have come together in this community to try to build that better place, a place where each of us can be free to be ourselves, to bare our hearts and souls, and to help each other adapt to the changes that may be happening in our lives.
We disagree on some matters. These include, but are not limited to: how we should address ourselves politically to the world outside our neighborhood; whether or not medical intervention is necessary for some of us to be happy; how mental health professionals do or should view us; the bipolarity, or not, of gender; stealth vs. being out; and sexual orientation.
But we have agreed to disagree on these topics and have decided that when one of them comes up that we will discuss it in a calm manner speaking from our experience, rather than about theories and ideas. We always try to remember and understand the feelings of others when we speak. We don't want anyone to feel threatened here.
We strive to honor the feelings and emotions of those in the neighborhood, to make each of us feel welcome. No one of us is a better person than any other of us.
If one of us does find something that someone else has said to be unclear, alarming, and/or threatening in any way, we first try to speak to that person privately, to clear up the miscommunication. If that doesn't help, we write to one of the co-facilitators to act as a mediator in the dispute. We hope that in that way, we can avoid setting fire to our neighborhood.
1) What is the purpose of this list?
TGS-PFLAG is for support of parents, family, spouses and friends of transgendered people and transgenders who wish to discuss family or other personal relationships.
2) What topics are appropriate for this list?
Discussions based on personal experience about family or other personal relationships.
Non-transgenders should feel free to raise any questions about transgender issues, but they will be referred elsewhere for extended discussions on political, medical or legal matters. We also welcome questions from anyone on family issues, especially coming out to family members, and also requests for referrals, reading lists, and other resource information.
3) What topics are not appropriate for this list?
There are certain topics in transgender circles which are sure to spark controversy including but not limited to the DSM, appropriateness of surgery, politics within the T community. While non-transgenders may raise these issues, they will be referred elsewhere for extended discussion. We ask that transgendered people who are already aware of the controversy surrounding these issues not engage in public discussion on these topics or continue on this list arguments taking place on other lists.
4) Who may join this list?
While this list was created primarily for parents,spouses and families, both of origin and of affinity, of transgendered people, everyone with a genuine interest in the topic may join. We do ask that those who post speak primarily from personal experience, sharing their stories and concerns, not their ideas and theories.
5) What does the acronym TGS-PFLAG stand for?
TransGender Support - Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. PFLAG is a national organization with over 380 local chapters which provides support, education and advocacy.
6) Why Doesn't PFLAG have a T or a B?
PFLAG was founded in 1981. In 1994 the mission statement was expanded to include bisexuals. In January 1996, several co- facilitators of this list made a presentation to the Regional Directors of PFLAG for inclusion of transgenders as well. Some chapters have already voted to include "transgendered" in their mission statements. Meanwhile, PFLAG has created PFLAG-T SON, a special outreach network for the parents, families and friends of transgendered children. PFLAG-T SON is one of nine special outreach networks sponsored by PFLAG.
7) Are there any support groups just for families and friends of transgendered people?
In 1995 Ellie Altman established a PFLAG chapter in Northbrook, Ill. dedicated to the support of parents of transgenders. Twelve families now participate in that group. Ellie can be contacted at EllieAlt@aol.com
TransFamily in Western Pennsylvania is a support group which is open to all transgendered people, supportive family members and supportive friends. For more information contact Janet Flecher at Janet@ccia.com or Deni Scott at dscott@pgh.net.
The Philadelphia Area T*Family Support Group Has been born, nursed by Maggie Heineman (maggie@bridges-across.org) and Matthew Hoffman. The group has no regular meeting place, or leader/officers. They are not yet formally affiliated with PFLAG, but moving in that direction. While it all sounds very uncertain, the group is strong, dedicated, and filling an obvious need. Both T*s and their parents, SO's and friends are participating so far.
The Central Valley TG Support Group serves the Fresno, California area. Key contacts are Angela Pettit (angelap@psnw.com) and Blue Riggs (blueriggs@hotmail.com). The group meets the second Saturday evening of each month at a local home. The group is open to all transgendered people, supportive family members and supportive friends. We work closely with numerous Fresno are communtiy service groups to whom we can refer members as required.
8) Who owns the list?
The current listowner is DreamCatcher Robyn, robynw@cablespeed.com.
The previous owner was Maggie Heineman, maggie@bridges-across.org. Emily Rizzo was the founding list owner. A mother of a gay son and vice president of Brooklyn PFLAG, Emily became interested in transgender issues at the 1995 PFLAG Convention. She has been an active participant in soc.motss, a gay and lesbian Usenet newsgroup.
9) Can you sum up the goal of this list?
It's our hope to provide the equivalent of a virtual PFLAG meeting on line for parents,spouses and families of transgenders with emphasis on support. We believe that people should speak primarily from personal experience and that understanding and insight can be gained by sharing each other's stories.
10) Does TGS-PFLAG have a web site?
The PFLAG-Talk Website serves both the
pflag-talk
and tgs-pflag email lists. There are sections for support, education
(library),
advocacy, links to other sites, and help for "newbies" to the Internet.
http://www.CritPath.org/pflag-talk/
John Lindner maintains the TGS-PFLAG web page; this contains the FAQ for Parents of Transgenders. He also maintains the TGS-PFLAG Introductions page
11) Are there any other PFLAG lists?
There is another list called PFLAG-TALK much like this one for parents of lesbians, gays and bisexuals. To join, send the message "subscribe pflag-talk FirstName LastName" to listproc@youth-guard.org.
12) What other information is available?
PFLAG has prepared a printed Transgender Resource Packet. If you wish to receive a copy, send your postal mail address to er5@is2.nyu.edu.
13) What other transgender resources are there on the net?
a) Transgen (transgen@brownvm.brown.edu...sub to listserv@brownvm.brown.edu with the message SUBSCRIBE TRANSGEN)
A discussion list for transgendered people, usually dominated by transsexual women, but with a fair number of transsexual men, crossdressers, and other transgender people.
b) tsmenace (tsmenace@zoom.com...sub to majordomo@zoom.com with the message subscribe tsmenace yourname <your@address>
Transsexual Menace email list. Transgender politics and political action.
c) TG-Spirit (tg-spirit@listserv.aol.com...sub to listserv@listserv.aol.com with the message SUBSCRIBE TG-SPIRIT)
Discussion of transgender spirituality (or spirituality of/for transgendered folk, if there is a difference there)
d) TG-Discuss (tg-discuss@listserv.aol.com...sub to listserv@listserv.aol.com with the message SUBSCRIBE TG-DISCUSS)
Discussion of transgendered issues
e) AmBoyz@netgsi.com -- A list for a broad range of masculine identified people who were born female (includ, but not limited to: FTMs, transmen, butches, drag kings, intersexuals, etc...). Mostly concerned with Mid-Atlantic regional happenings. List wrangler is Gary Bowen, who also coordinates a support netowrk on the East Coast called the American Boyz (subscribe: majordomo@netgsi.com).
f) FTMOLInfo@aol.com -- Run by an FTM named Kellen, who can be contacted at ButchJKM@aol.com (still, I think). This is a good list for general info important to FTM communities.
e) MtMInFo@home.com -- "MtM" stands for man-to-male or man-to-man (or some variation thereof), instead of the more typical denotation of *female*-to-male. MtM is believed, by some, to affirm that transmen feel they hav never been traditionally female, and/or women. An associated webpage is at http://www.ftmresources.net.
g) Sandy@actlab.utexas.edu -- Write to "posttranssexual" pioneer Sandy Stone (Of "The Empire Strikes Back: A Posttranssexual Manifest" fame). This is the *only* ACADEMIC trans list out there.
h) TransFags@aol.com -- Havn't seen a lot of activity here for awhile, but the concept is a list for gay-identified FTMs.
i) TransKink@ucsd.edu -- A list for kinky transpeople.
j) BoyChicks@queernet.org -- A list for "Butches and their Admirers" run by Dorsieh Hathaway. The list deals with "Trans issues" often, as they intersect with butch concerns. Write <dorsieh@teleport.com> for sub info.
k) Somethingelse@queernet.org -- A list which is more FTM focused, run by a "friend" of Dorsieh Hathaway (Devon Hathaway). I believe, tho the issues intersect very closely with FTM concerns, that is is called "somethingelse" because list participants are looking for more than the typical FTM party-line dialogue around trans issues.
l) F2M-soffa is an affiifate of the Amercan Boyz. "Anyone who is affiliated in a personal way with an f2m crossdresser, transsexual, intersexual, tomboy, butch, third, transman, or other gender variant person who was assigned female gender at birth--but who feels that is an inadequate description--is welcome to participate in the f2m-soffa list." SOFFA stands for "significant other, friends, family and allies." Subscription requests and requests for more info can be sent to: transman@netgsi.com.
14) How do I unsubscribe from this list?
Send listproc@Youth-Guard.org the message "unsubscribe tgs-pflag" . Do not put a subject line in your message.
15) Help! There are too many messages! I can't handle them all!
Listproc handles digests differently from Majordomo. You no longer subscribe to a different list but just send an additional command and you will receive your mail from this list in digest form. If you wish to receive this instead send the message "set tgs-pflag mail digest" to listproc@Youth-Guard.org. Do not unsubscribe from the TGS-PFLAG list!
16) How do I send a message to this list?
Send your e-mail to tgs-pflag@Youth-Guard.org. It will automatically be forwarded to everyone on the list.
17) How do I reply to a message from this list?
Set your mailer to reply but you may have to manually type in tgs-pflag@Youth-Guard.org as the addressee (depending on which mailer you use), otherwise your message will go as private e-mail to the original sender.
Also, be sure to include a brief one line entry indicating who wrote the original message so we know who you are quoting.
18) Can an outsider post to this list?
No. Any message from a non-subscriber gets bounced to the list owner who may then choose to repost it to the list. Be careful, though, if you have multiple e-mail addresses to post from the same address which you used to subscribe.
19) Can anyone find out who is subscribed to this list?
No. The recipient list has been suppressed so only the list owner knows who the members are.
20) What about confidentiality?
While we welcome and encourage the sharing our personal stories, and we ask that members respect the confidentiality of others, there is no guarantee that anything you write here won't be picked up and rebroadcast by another list member. There is always the danger on the internet that any message may be read by a systems administrator or operator.
21) What is the history of this list?
The idea for this list was conceived at the Transgender Workshop at the 1995 National PFLAG convention in Indianapolis, Indiana. The original founders were Maggie Heineman, Sharon Stuart, Mary Boenke, Anne Johnson and Emily Rizzo. The list was first established on November 8th, 1995.
22) What is CritPath.org?
Critical Path Aids Project of Philadelphia, Pa. They have graciously donated space on their server for the website. The mailing list now resides with Youth Guardian Services
Updated April 14, 2005 by John Lindner, webmaster, pflagtlk@CritPath.org
Send mail to the list owner, DreamCatcher Robyn, robynw@cablespeed.com.