I wrote "What if. . ." just before Christmas of 1996. At that time I was having problems dealing with a young Transsexual. Both young in terms of her age (just 21) and her transition (not yet full time and illegally on hormones). The TS, a Male to Female, was taking up a lot of my time and energy. And she was costing me a fair amount of money, at a time when resources were particularly tight. A Friend (the capital "F" denotes both a friend and a Quaker) began playing devil's advocate with me. She began questioning me about my motives, and my intentions. She was deliberately pushing me to find out why I was taking this time, and allowing myself to be used. Her intentions was to allow me to see the reasons behind my actions. She saw the reasons, she saw into my soul. But until I wrote this piece in response to her probing, I was not. I thank that Friend for her efforts. And now, as I write this introduction, the memory of what drives me so often returns. Re-reading the piece, and by publication allowing others to share this part of my life, re-kindles my drives and needs. And I again begin to see the results of my work, and the reasons for my actions, in the true light. My Friend, if you read this you will know who you are. I simply want to thank you. . .
janet flecher 12/15/97
What if. . .?
What if I am wrong ???
What if I make a mistake ???
What if I place trust in an individual who uses me ???
What if I lose ???
What if I'm right ???
What if by being right I save a life ???
What is that life worth ???
How much "crow" can I eat, how many times can I be humbled ???
Because I was wrong ???
For the one time I am right ???
Look, we take chances. We are in the business of saving lives. Lives of confused youth, lives of desperate adults. Does it make a difference? What is each of those lives worth? Who else is really fighting for those we seek to save?
Neither male nor female, considered "perverse" and "morally wrong" by many people, Transsexuals and the ilk stand in a crossroads. A crossroads of despair. Most communities "shun" the Transsexual, until the individuals proves him/her self. Even then, many religions refuse known Transsexuals the right to worship, many stores refuse the Transsexuals the right to shop, employers the right to work.
Families, parents, siblings, spouses, children all have been known to turn out Transsexuals of all ages. Many become destitute, some are forced onto the street. Some look to drugs or prostitution or crime to provide a meager living denied by society. Shelters refuse aid, social workers react in confusion and fear. No one seems to really know where to put these people, what to do with them, how to treat them.
There is a responsibility here. A responsibility that few are willing to accept. Most simply turn their faces away... what you can not see simply does not exist.
Who has the responsibility for these individuals?
Do you? Do I? Do we? Or does someone else? Some stranger who we never heard of? Where does our responsibility begin? Does it ever end?
OK, so I trust some kid, this one's faking need, he/she takes me for some money, my dignity, hurts my feelings. So what? Do I stop trying? What if the next one is real? What if the next Transsexual I meet truly is in need? What if I say "no"? What if this person has nowhere else to turn?
Am I responsible? Am I at fault? Is society? His/her parents? Spouse? Children? Who?
When do we begin to take care of our own? Really take care of our own? When do we stop asking others to bear our responsibility? When do we "put our money where our mouth is"? When do we act?
When do we come out of the closet and campaign for human rights for those identical to us? When do we become politically active? Become socially active? Join lecture circuits? Talk to random strangers on the street? When do we accept responsibility?
When do we start caring?
When do we stop denying because there was no one there for us?
When do we decide to make a difference?
When do we realize that only by our efforts can this waste of human life finally come to an end?
I know, I ask a lot of questions.
And it's almost Christmas.
Perhaps it's time we think about these questions. We who can afford emotionally and financially to celebrate Christmas. And remember, we to can give a gift. Perhaps the ultimate gift, the gift of life... to one of our own...
janet elizabeth flecher
copyright © December 11, 1996
Please be a good Net person & respect: Any reproduction, in any form, is only with expressed permission of the author Janet Flecher. Janet can be reached at: <janet@ccia.com>